The Griffins Go To Hollywood
by rcarter
Summary: Chris kisses a frog that turns into a Hollywood movie star. She invites the Griffins to star in her new movie, "We Be In Da Hood". First Fan Fic. Pretty Good.
1. Part One

Family Guy - The Griffins Go To Hollywood -  
Chris kisses a frog that turns into a Hollywood movie star. She invites the Griffins to star in her new movie, "We Be In Da Hood.  
----------------------------------------- Disclaimer: I do not own Family Guy nor any of the characters mentioned. I'm just a fan writing Fan Fic.

Lois is in the kitchen washing dishes, while the rest of the Griffins are in the living room looking at TV (The Brady Bunch).

"Hey Lois" Peter yells, "we need a few beers!"

"Dad, we can't drink beer yet." says Meg.

"Yeah I know, that's why you all aren't getting any." replies Peter.

Meg asks, "Then why'd ya say we?"

"Because If I said 'I' I would sound selfish." scoffs Peter.

Lois enters with three beers in her arms. "Here ya go hun." She says with the countenance of a nun.

"Way to go genius, you got soap all over them." snaps Peter.

"I don't like soap." moans Chris.

(Flashback)

Chris is in the shower playing with a bar of soap. He's squeezing it with great pressure in one hand. Suddenly, the bar of soap slips out of his hand and shoots to the forward wall, then to the back wall, then it hits him in the back of the head.

(End Flashback)

"Ya know Louis, I worry about you sometimes. It's like you're loosin ya brain cells." says Peter.

Peter drains down the three beers and immediately falls out on the floor, face down. The rest of the Griffins stare in astonishment.

Stewie slides off the couch and approaches Peter with caution. He turns Peter's head until his face is visible. "Is he alive?" questions Stewie, "Fatman?" Stewie smacks him softly, then back away. "Oh what the hell." He approaches him again and slaps him forcefully. He then keeps slapping and laughing, "This is rather fun. I can do this forever."

Lois grabs Stewie, "Okay hun, daddy can't play right now. He's in a state of unconscienceness."

Stewie glowers.

"I never heard of that state before." says Chris, "Do they have paper clips there?"

Chris is ignored.

Brian gets off the couch. "I always wanted to do this." He walks toward Peter's face and assume the doggy pee position.

(scene fades) - (cut to opening credits)

(new scene)

Setting: kitchen

Lois is chopping carrots for a meal. Stewie is in his high chair with an empty plate and fork. Brian is sitting down at the table reading a newspaper.

Peter barges in, "Hey Lois!" He pats Stewie on the head Stewie grabs the fork and attempts to stab him, and runs up to Lois. He sings, "Guess what I got?".

Lois turns around. Peter notices the knife in her hand. "I just wanted to know how it felt! Please don't kill me!" Peter pulls a pink bra from under his shirt.

"I knew the Fatman was a fruity one!" spat Stewie.

"Okay you win." Brian pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to Stewie.

"Yes!" gasps Stewie, "I almost have enough for the ChinaSaw Six Thousand, then I shall eliminate the lady and tramp from the face of the Earth! I can see it now." Stewie stares into the air with a smirk on his face.

"What is it you wanted to show me?" asks Lois.

"Oh, yeah." says Peter, "I got two front row seats to The Nutcracker."

(begin Peter's imagination bubble)

An old man is inserting walnuts between his buttocks and squeezing them. A crowd is cheering.

(end bubble)

"But it's February." says Lois.

"I know, that's why they were such a bargain." says Peter.

"Ok, well, where are they?"

"They're right here." Peter smiles, closes his eyes, reaches into his pocket, and comes up with nothing. He opens his eyes, "Uh hold on a minute." He takes off his shoes, and checks his socks. He checks his back pockets. He stretches his pants forward and digs there. He stops. Then he digs again with a pleasurable look on his face.

Chris runs in smiling. "Look what I found in the driveway!" He holds up two tickets to The Nutcracker. "I think I'm gonna take Peggy."

Lois starts, "Honey, I think those tickets are fo......"

"Who's Peggy?" asks Peter.

"Why, she's my girlfriend." says Chris.

Stewie starts laughing in an uncontrollable rage, "Oh that's a good one. Is she blind?"

"Who would wanna date you?" asks Brian.

"Her." Chris points into the living room.

"There's no one there." says Brian

"Yes there is, look on the sofa." says Chris.

A tiny green frog is sitting on the sofa. Its throat is bubbling in and out.

Lois gasps.

"Uhhh...that's a frog." says Peter.

"Yup. And when I kiss it, it will turn into a beautiful princess."

There's a moment of silence. Then everyone, except Chris, starts laughing.

Chris is almost in tears. "You'll see!" he points to them, "When I get my princess, you'll all see!" He storms out of the room.

"Can I have a kitty?" asks Stewie.

(fade out) - (cut to commercial)

(fade in) - (new scene)

setting: Chris's room

Chris and the frog are lying on the bed. Chris has that 'in love', dazed look on his face.

"You're so pretty, Peggy." says Chris.

"Ribbit" Peggy croaks.

"I can look at you all day."

(through the window, the light quickly turns to darkness to show that a day has passed)

Suddenly, slow music starts playing. Chris inches closer and closer to the frog with puckered lips, and his eyes closed. When he is within kissing distance of the frog, the scene continues in slow motion. Chris gently kisses the frog and draws back.

(end slow motion)

The camera is focused on the frog, which is now starting to inflate and deflate quickly, in little bubbles on the back of its body.

The frog explodes and disappears. Smoke covers the area it was in. As the smoke fades away a woman figure appears.

"Hey you're not a beautiful princess." cries Chris.

"I would be if you didn't kiss my ass." replies the woman.

Chris' lips are poking out.

Peter barges into the room, "Look Chris, we're sorr....." He looks at the woman in the room. "Hey I know you!....You're.........

(Find out who, go to next chapter!) 


	2. Part Two

(last paragraph repeat and continuation)

Peter barges into the room, "Look Chris, we're sorr....." He looks at the woman in the room. "Hey I know you!....You're.........damn, who the hell are you? And what are you doing in my house!"

(camera focuses on woman)  
The woman replies in a sweet voice, "You mean you don't recognize me?"

(camera focuses on Peter)  
He has a smoke-screen gun in his hand that he is holding backwards. "Look pal, you have three seconds to get out of my house! One, two, three!" He pushes the trigger and a cloud of smoke explodes in his face. "Awwww shit, you bitch."

"Bitch?" The woman is astonished, "Why I've never......." The woman jumps at Peter and attacks.

Peter shields his face with his arms, and closes his eyes as he whimpers from the beating.

Only Meg hears all the commotion from her room, so she decides to come see what's going on. When she enters the room, she gets excited, "Oh my gosh! You're Lindsay Loham!"

The woman stops fighting and turns to Meg. "It's Lohan you idiot."

"Hey!" Peter has red bruises all over his face. "You don't talk to my daughter that way. You......you Mean Girl, you."

Lindsay feels exhilarated. "So you do recognize me! From my movie, you know, Mean Girls?"

Peter whispers to Meg while shielding his lips from Lindsay, "This bitch is crazy."

"I heard that!" yells Lindsay with a scorn.

Just as she is about to attack Peter again, Chris yells, "Wait!" He looks at Lindsay, "According to the rules, after I kiss the frog you were 'upposed to turn into a beautiful princess. And if I don't get my princess, I'm going to be pretty ummmm......what's the word I learned yesterday?.......oh yeah, pissed!"

Lindsay sighs, "Okay, okay you're right." She flips her hair to the back with her hands, "How about I make it up to you?"

"Uh...okay." says Chris.

"Okay, I'm inviting you and your whole family to star in my new film." says Lindsay.

"Wow!" exclaims Meg, "This is the coolest thing to ever happen to me!"

"Cool!" Chris' eyes widen.

"Now wait just a minute!" yells Peter. "What exactly is this..."

Peter is interrupted by Lois calling up the stairs, "Peter, Meg, Chris. Supper's ready."

"Just a minute my sugar plum, honey bunny, fruit cake, care bear, baby-making, sweet heart." replies Peter.

Everyone in the room is silently staring at him with blank expressions.

"What?" he inquires.

(scene ends) - (cut to commercial)

(new scene)

Setting: kitchen

The Griffins and Lindsay Lohan are sitting at the dinner table enjoying a delicious meal.

"This whole thing is so delirious." says Lois, "Who would have thought you've been transformed into a frog."

"It's a long story." says Lindsay. "All that matters is that I'm back. That's the last time I date Horny Potter."

Everyone chuckles, except Stewie who has his usual scorn.

"Now, now let me get this straight." Stewie starts, "You mean to tell me that this porky fellow (he nods in Chris' direction) kissed a frog's ass, and got you?"

"Don't mind him hun, he's just a toddler." says Lois to Lindsay.

"Wait a minute bitch. Don't cut me off." yells Stewie. He looks back to Lindsay's direction, "Now what do you suppose would happen if I were to, let's say, kiss the ass of a......hmmmmm, what's a good one....a dog, yes, a dog."

Lindsay looks uneasy.

"Answer me woman!" demands Stewie.

Lois interrupts, "It's almost time for his bedtime, I'm going bring him up now." She gets out of her seat and go to grab Stewie. Stewie bites her ear all the way up the stairs, but Lois seems as if she doesn't feel a thing.

"So." says Brian, "Tell us more about this movie."

"Oh Yeah." "Yeah" "The movie" say the rest of the Griffins.

"Well," Lindsay starts, "The movie is called 'We Be In Da Hood'...."

"Oh, so we're playing Black people!" Peter interrups, "I can act Black, watch this." Peter stands up, grabs his crouch with one hand, and waves the other in the air while saying with a deep voice, "Yo, yo, yo, homies. This is the real shizzle fo rizzle my nizz..."

Peter is cut off by Lindsay, "Please don't."

Meg says, "Dad, that is so racist."

"But I was good at it right?" Peter inquires.

"I'm gonna go take a pee." says Brian. He gets out of his chair and heads to the living room.

"I wanna go watch?" Chris hops out of his chair and follows Brian.

"Dad you're an embarrassment." Meg leaves the kitchen.

Only Peter and Lindsay are left. Lindsay feels very uncomfortable. Her facial expression shows it. "Listen," she says, "I'm gonna go head back to Hollywood. I'll leave you this cell phone (grabs it out of her pocket) and call you when I'm ready for the movie."

"Oh, okay" says Peter as he grabs the cell phone.

"I'm gonna go now, bye." She gets up and nervously walks toward the front door.

"Wait!" Peter yells, "Can you test the phone on your way out. Ya know, just to see if it works."

"Sure" says Lindsay.

Lindsay is out of the house, and Peter is alone in the kitchen. He looks around to make sure nobody is there, and then he puts the cell phone in his pants, on his crouch. A few minutes later the cell phone starts ringing and vibrating.

"Awwwww, yea." moans Peter.

(scene ends) 


End file.
